Sake

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« PoetryCircle • The Writing • Journalese • Topic: Sake »

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Re: Sake
« Reply #30 on: August 21, 2011, 12:15:13 AM » by Tom Riordan

to Submit...

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Re: Sake
« Reply #31 on: August 21, 2011, 01:34:44 AM » by cherylleverette

Thank you, Tom.

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"I have no intention of explaining how the correspondence which I now offer to the public fell into my hands....The sort of script which is used...can be very easily obtained by anyone who has learned the knack...."~C.S.Lewis

Re: Sake
« Reply #32 on: August 22, 2011, 06:28:22 PM » by Lynn Doiron

interesting. i like how the man and woman become visible in the light, but cups (mom, dad) have to be held up and seen through illumination. very interesting.

Each held to the light, you see --------------the way this line is set up, the 'you' is what is held to the light. Maybe 'You hold each to the light and see' ----- ? Needs some rearrangement for clarity for this reader.

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My blogs:
http://lwww.lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry

Re: Sake
« Reply #33 on: August 22, 2011, 06:51:15 PM » by Tom Riordan

I like how clean this new layout is.

Quote from: cherylleverette© on August 07, 2011, 10:27:28 PM

Mom and Dad have a sake set:
tiny porcelain cups with no handles.

Each held to the light, you see
a Japanese woman or a Japanese man.

When the dark eyed woman
isn't sleeping, she's fierce.

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Re: Sake
« Reply #34 on: September 12, 2011, 01:52:47 AM » by cherylanne leverette

Thank you, Tom. I see I've neglected this one.

Lynn, yes, I see what you're saying. If I insert 'cup' would that be redundant? I'm going to put that there for now, and do some research on cups.

Thanks to both of you.

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For poetry makes nothing happen: it survives
In the valley of its making where executives
Would never want to tamper, flows on south
From ranches of isolation and the busy griefs,
Raw towns that we believe and die in; it survives,
A way of happening, a mouth. -W.H. Auden

Re: Sake
« Reply #35 on: September 12, 2011, 02:07:15 AM » by cherylanne leverette

Hey Tom, if you don't see this I'll send you a message. Not sure why, but I had to log in under another log in than the one this poem is written under. I changed something per Lynn's comment & posted it under my other login. Can we fix this someway? Someway simple? lol Thank you.

cheryl

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Re: Sake
« Reply #36 on: September 12, 2011, 09:05:37 AM » by Tom Riordan

For the moment, I'll move this thread over to Journalese, and leave the new thread in Submit www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,23923. Tom

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Re: Sake
« Reply #37 on: September 12, 2011, 11:37:50 AM » by cherylanne leverette

Ha! There it is. Tom, wondered what you meant by HOW. lol

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