On Flanders' fields
the poppies grow 
where dead have gone to seed.

And row on row of gnarled men
mark time and khaki memories
count cadence and the dead.

    

"Maple Leaf Rag" being an upbeat Scott Joplin piano piece, I guess there's an irony going on here.

That last stanza is awesome

 

Ken --

I like this.  Not finding gnarled men and what follows that line particularly fresh.  I suppose 'dead give-aways' isn't so fresh either, BUT if works for me in this piece.  Any chance it might go further?   As to 'gnarled' -- I guess my nit with it is that there's more than just aging if those remembering were there.  Maybe 'scarred'?  Or 'luckier'?

Peter,

It happens that today is Scott Joplin's birthday.
No irony is intended--just recollection of mood
and images from my red-white-and blue childhood!

Lynn,
True, it is not fresh but the men were  stale
and the paper poppies limp reminders of the
real thing. My memories of that day,those
images is so vivid and the title is an acoustic
accompaniment.

                                Ken

Like this, Ken. The last S has a complex of ambivalences to it. Below, stripped off some punc & adjectives, to have a clean look at it. Tom

On Decoration Day
red poppies lie
in Flanders fields

dead give-aways
by men

who kneel
take aim
and pray. 

Tom,

Thanks for the edit! I have pruned
into Robson-ese, if you please!

                             Ken

spats and khaki memories -- !!  Like that edit a lot, ken. 

In the context of the poem, would you "take cover" or "take aim"?

Lynn,

Thanks!

    Ken


Larry,

Larry,

somehow take cover doen't fit the context
of armed remembrance for me.

                                                Ken

Not entirely convinced you haven't over-trimmed here, Ken. It's always difficult to judge when you've seen earlier versions and their imprint is still with you. So I'm left unsure.

milner

Ken, love the poem... so nuanced, so searching.  Not sure about the title.  I know where it comes from from the threads but absent the threads and I'd be left scratching my head at how the title relates to the poem....

k

Milner,

I don't disagree with you. I welcome any thoughts
after looking over this last edit and title change.

K--thanks for your comment! How do you find this
edit?
                          Ken

Like this better, Ken, as it becomes more readily visual. I think the 'away' could come off L2, as the line would then relate more directly to shortened lives.

Cheers

milner

Milner,

Thanks for looking in!

          Ken

Ken, love the new title - great move.   But now I'm reading a different poem too, one with a passionate intensity I think Yeats would have approved. 

k

Kevin,

Thank you so much. Yeats, you think Yeats.
Then I'll stop here, horseman, pass by!

                                       Ken

Ken, your work on this is most deliberate and the result quite sharp. I've one needling thought about 'know'; the red poppies know. Know seems to be almost too exact given the McCrae source. It works, but I wonder if there is something else that would also reverberate with witness. Just a thought and definitely not critical. My earlier concern with aim stemmed from my thoughts about the age of those 'crooked' men. But on second thought and the context of the battle it is quite appropriate.

Not a mere painting, but a mural indeed.

larry

Thank you, Larry.

      Ken

Larry,

On re-reading I find "know" is somehow fatuous.
I'm back to what feels right, and real.

            Ken

Grow is it. It plays more with seed. Nice piece of work, Ken.   Needs to move up.

larry

Thanks for your jostle!

                   Ken

Ken,

excellent.

tiko