Modified:

A boy
who has yet to make
his bones, and has barely
learned to make his bed,
tells me which
sheets to buy, and how
to tuck my corners in.

He doesn’t know;
it’s not how smooth
the surface or sharp
the cut, but the luster
of aged silk threads I seek,
and the multi-layered luxury
softens the chill.

The coverlet
was once sleek
with youth, perhaps prettier
but not necessarily
as desired.


Original:

A boy
who has yet to make
his bones, and has barely
learned to make his bed,
tells me which
sheets to buy, and how
to tuck my corners in.

He doesn’t know
that it’s not how smooth
the surface or sharp
the cut, but the luster
of aged silk threads I seek,
and the multi-layered luxury that
softens the chill.

The rough-surfaced
coverlet was once sleek
with youth, perhaps prettier
but not necessarily
as desired.

Well, he's got a point Pamme.  Nowt like tight hospital corners!

;)

I read the boy in S1 as a women's clothes saleman, and I like the way you say one thing and another takes shape in my mind, Pamme. Tom

what a great opening stanza!

Stella

Appreciate the feedback!

Stella: Glad you liked the opener. The majority of S1 has been running through my head (with a bit of an indignant tone) for some time now.

Silent Lotus: As Einstein remarked, "Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."

Tom: I love that someone's words can create a whole back story, and more often than not, it has nothing to do with anything the writer intended.

Peter.R: Hospital corners look neat as can be, yet can be awfully constricting.

ditto to praise on the opening S and also to Tom's note re: how this speaks of one thing yet another image forms.  I think the first 'that' could go in S2, and perhaps even the second 'that' with some slight reworking.  In S3, a little bumpy for me, but I do very much like the poem over all.  A couple thoughts [feel free to ignore] follow.


The rough-surfaced coverlet
once sleek with youth was prettier
perhaps,
but not necessarily
desired.

[above ideas not great, I know.  again, nice work, Pamme.]

ld

I find the contradiction of 'rough-surfaced / sleek' distracting. What if you don't modify the coverlet?

Appreciate the suggestions. I'll chew on it and see if I can't improve this.

You've ironed this well, Pamme. Delightful.

milner

Modified. Would love to know collective thoughts.

Thanks for the feedback, Milner. Always so appreciated.

I like the edit, Pamme.  I still pause at "as" in end line.  I'm trying to figure out why and I think it's to do with the boy in opening S and him telling N what sheets to buy, coupled with the distance the poem goes and this feeling the work is not about sheets but aging, maturity, a comfort with one's self, etc.  The 'as' somehow or other puts a qualifier of sorts on the resolution I felt the N had arrived at.  Probably just me.  Fine poem, regardless.

lynn

love the symbolism!