she
wears
strings of pearls
with
every
outfit

in
high school
the
backseat beauties
wore
the
pearl
necklaces

   larry

   “yes whitney?”

   the
   men’s room
   toilet
   needs plunging

   “yes ma’am
   right away”

boy
i miss
those
backseat
beauties

the "whore" play on words is a bit too over the top.  too gimmicky.  it works much better simply as "wore"

Larry,

You have present tense in the 1S and then it switches to past tense in the 2nd,
and not too successfully for me.

i think you can drop the entire last stanza. It's the writer putting himself squarely in a poem and I'm interested in the pearl-wearer(s).

I'm thinking something like:

She wore pearls with everything...
even backseat sex.

Maggie

john thanks for looking in on this and leaving a comment.  i was second guessing myself using that language arrangement.  you know it's funny how our eyes fill in that "h" with "wore", will make that edit.  maggie, i wanted to start in the present tense and then, obviously, have the narrator think back to what once was and how he is reminded daily in his current situation.  would it work better if i moved the dialogue action up near the beginning of the piece?  thinking on your suggestion about that last stanza....thanks guys for the edits and comments, appreciate it as always. -lawrence

Lawrence, What threw me was your use of plural beauties in the last stanza.

I was interested in the character you were starting to describe.

When you make a turn, regardless of the direction you go in, it needs to be smooth and still keep the reader grounded to where you began.

Play with it a bit.

Maggie

Interesting, the N's trajectory, Lawrence -- sort of a fall from grace, as he grew up. Tom

tom thanks for the comment on trajectory and direction, i was beginning to feel that i completely missed the mark with this one.  i was hoping that the aside conversation would denote not only that fall, but that it has been there his entire life, even with those backseat babes.  appreciate the read, also nixed "always" from S1. -lawrence

Excellent, Lawrence, just enough and no extra frills.

Cheers

milner

Lawrence--Excellent my friend. You are really channeling a broken down old man recently to great effect!

Do you mean "strings of perals," since pearls already are beads when strung?

milner thank you for your gracious comment, appreciate your words and look in.  stewart thanks for noticing the broken down old man!  one day man, one day....rick thanks for that observation on "beads" and changing to "strings" absolutely agree and made the edit.  thanks gents -lawrence

ditto Milner's response to this poem.  I get the distance from back seat beauties and then when the nearness is there it's menial -- just right.  good write!

lynn

much enjoyed lawrence... has a nice bite with a surprising (and pleasing) pout of nostalgia

k

great write! enjoyed! unique way of recreating the past - just with 'backseat beauties' & 'pearl necklaces'!

enjoyed very much Lawrence.

tiko