She took half
an hour shaving
every inch of
skin below my
neck and then
fucked me to
within a millimeter
of my life.

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Drab, listless hair? Shapeless blob of a belly?
www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,14370
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Sharp. Much enjoyed. I don't think this needs the workshop.

The enjambment is especially good here. Enabling the reader to drift in different directions before being pulled back in line.

Lavonne, if you think so, that's good enough for me! Thank you. Tom

Thanks, Silent. Should have called it "Flo and Nick". Tom

ha tom flo and nick is funny, but flo works great, as does this poem on the whole. flo is quirky enough, yet seemingly menacing in nature, i wouldn't want to cross her.  the inflection of fucked is placed perfectly within the lines, the word comes of cutting and applies very broad spectrum. great pocket poem here tom. -lawrence

Lawrence, thanks for the look! One of these days I'm going to publish a book of the snippets I've collected to put as blurbs on my imaginary book jacket, and "The inflection of fucked is placed perfectly." is going to be one of them! Tom

I like what I read.  Then, sorry, have to add that it seems the middle or end of something bigger.  Or the beginning.  Or like a trailer for a movie.  Hmmm.  Will have to return with a fresh set of gray cells.

lynn

Yes, you're right Lynn. Sounds like the opening sentence to a hard-boiled detective novel! Don't give me any ideas, but I was listening to Sue Grafton on the radio earlier... Tom

Tom, love this.  Glad to see it here.

I just have to ask:

was it as good for you as for her?
one pack of marlboros or a carton?

cheryl

LOL, Cheryl. Thanks. Gilette's going to pay me for the poem. Tom

Tom,

please post her number on the bathroom wall. 

a delightful find.

tiko

tiko, glad to have you looking in. don't worry, flo is looking you over as we speak. tom