When the Library of Congress
asked to tape-record me back
in 1984

who was I to say No thanks?
A struggling author holding
down a shit job and some vile
eating matter from a pantry
that took pity on the literate

my first reaction upon hearing
of an Amtrak ticket was imagining
the foods they might have in the
snack car.

Of course that was not included
but the Immortal who greeted
me in the library lobby and the tech
who worked the reel-to-reel

both offered me excellent cigarettes
I remember
one a Player's and the other French
not a Gauloises but something else.

If you go there today
you can't smoke of course
but you can hear my voice
and if you listen carefully
will hear that gentle rasp
which is the start of emphysema.



new jars on spec series www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,16199

O no the dreaded disease of smokers.  I only smoke about a pack every 3 days and have a slight cough but only if I don't take green tea tablets which are about 3 bucks the walmart brand.  story of my life.

This is good too.  Love the pride and humility all in one poem.

cheryl

Thanks, Cheryl. Tom

..moving from Workshop to Submit board..

Gitanes?

Yes, I bet they were, Peter! Thanks, Tom

A clean crisp visual language that doesn't overpower the story. I might drop the needless to say , I think that it's fairly obvious and detracts from the flow.

I'm really liking this one. There's just something about a poem when you first read it that whispers to you. Somehow you know that you're going to recall it somewhere down the road. I'll remember this one. Love the title, the reference to the "Immortal" greeting you and especially the second stanza. Terrific write!

~donna

donna, glad you liked reading it, and thanks for the tip about "needless to say." i don't think i can cut the line, need some kind of semi-skipped beat there, don't want it to get all intense, but you may well be right that "needless to say" isn't all that line should be. will root around. tom

How about...

If you go there now you can't smoke
like most places these days
but you can hear my voice
and if you listen carefully
will hear that gentle rasp
which is the start of emphysema.

Just one idea.

~d

more inclined to shorten to "of course" if I'm not going to add any other thought to it, donna. don't want to emphasize that line, so will shorten that long line above it and see how that looks. thank you. Tom

Of course, you're right, it would put emphasis on the line...I shall shuteth upeth

noeth don'teth
i nevereth would'veth fixedeth iteth withouteth youreth commentseth

hehe....I won'teth