it's just like the $10 lottery win
that seared itself into my brain
although I lost $500 getting it

because if I added up the cost
of all the ink, paper and postage
that went into that $20 check

not to mention all the scribbling

it would more rationally be viewed
as something more akin to Asculum
than the Triumph at Issus it was.

of course I never cashed it either.
it still hangs here on the wall
and I still gloat over Darius's fall.



new jars on spec series www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,16199

I like this.  20$ is alot to me because I'm broke paying student loans and the IRS.  lovely

great job on another reality check,
cheryl

tom--big fan of this. love how you contrast the epic historical scale of greek battles with the personal victory of a small lottery win. intriguing and fun read.

thanks for the reads, Cheryl and Stewart! tom
added a line for clarity...

..moving from Workshop to Submit board..

I wouldn't ever have expected to see Greek battles in a poem about a $20 lottery win. Those moments are what make poetry the unique entity that it is. Nicely done!

~donna

Great this one, Tom, it'll go up later.

On another matter that this brings up is the value of not using caps at the start of sentences.  A full stop is just that, and so important in reading it. Taking the cap away from the next word waters down that effect. If that was the purpose, then why not use it either way according to the strength, or length, required of different 'stops? Then in any longish poems, both usages would naturally be employed. This problem for me is probably why I write with either tradional punctuation or none at all. But who knows what I may get up to next? Apologies for this diversion, maybe any debate would warrant a separate thread on Discussions.

Cheers

milner

Thank you Donna, yes it's fun what can co-exist within one poem. I changed the amount of the lottery win, though, to leave more room for one other item. Duh. Just figured out what was getting in the way! Tom

You raise a good question, Milner. I agree about the watering down of stops in not capitalizing, also feel there is another axis at play - the degree of grandiosity v. ordinariness, just as in caps v. lowercase at the start of lines. I suspect this is where the practice comes from and has evolved to signify.
Thanks for wanting to pick this, too! Tom

I like the idea that the check might be worth more than the $20 it could be redeemed for.  Two things: I'm not sure who Darius is in the last stanza but i feel that there is enough context around it that that is not so important. Secondly, the fourth stanza has a different type of language to it.  I don't know if that was intentional, but my vote would be to keep with the consistent conversational tone you used in the rest of the poem because that just moves better for me.  The idea you have going here is well worth writing about. -Alex

Good point, Alex. Thank you. I did feel myself going for more elevated, classical-antiquity language in S4, but haven't really written a contemp/colloquial control S for comparison. I'm going to, off-site, to see what happens. Tom

Up she goes.

milner

we were out of town for the weekend and i missed this one!  great poem and great pick, milner!
tom;
i've really become a big fan of your work.  i especially like how you manage to weave your story lines in and out.  you're good.
john

Milner, thank you again.
John, you too, I appreciate the encouragement. Tom