Lesser Light

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Lesser Light
« on: January 18, 2010, 01:39:14 AM » by Tom Riordan

The time comes when you realize
you will not light up the firmament,

a complex determination
based on your understanding of age,
rivals, markets and movements,

whether the editors are wooing,
or if they just genuinely like you.

A bit of boredom leaks in.

There wasn't one thing
you could put your finger on,
or even look back at and say
Night fell just then,

yet at some point you had to admit
it's unmistakably dark.

Ego never insisted that you
be too bright to gaze on.
It wasn't ever your intent
as you contemplated yourself,

but when it was all past reach,
you burned.

new jars on spec series www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,16199

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Re: Narcissus's Reflection
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2010, 10:43:54 PM » by cherylleverette

...and here's where you howl.

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A poet dares be just so clear and no clearer.... He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it. A poet utterly clear is a trifle glaring. ~E.B. White

Re: Lesser Light
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2010, 09:47:18 PM » by Tom Riordan

did quite a bit of revision, no more "howl", --speaking of which, just read an exchange of letters between Bishop and Lowell calling Ginsberg and all the Beats no-talent self-promoters -- I think they saw they were about to be eaten alive -- but anyway, ready to submit this now..

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Re: Lesser Light
« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2010, 11:04:59 PM » by cherylleverette

This is a good poem. It is sad though. Love the way you carry light all the way thru from first verse to light. The 'burn' line is juat as painful as it's meant to be and makes this reader want to refute it.

All that a poem should be and very moving.

cheryl

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A poet dares be just so clear and no clearer.... He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it. A poet utterly clear is a trifle glaring. ~E.B. White

Re: Lesser Light
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2010, 03:59:56 AM » by silent lotus

dear Tom

i hope this one finds its way into many classroom syllabi
for it graciously opens doors

very much enjoyed

silent lotus

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Re: Lesser Light
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2010, 06:35:17 AM » by marc woodward

Thought provoking and wistfully sad, Tom.
Only line I fet uneasy about was ' a bit of boredom' - just seems too slight...

Marc

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Re: Lesser Light
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2010, 08:36:48 AM » by Tom Riordan

Cheryl, Silent, Marc -
thanks for your thoughts here. yes, cheryl, this was a case where the title change dictated a small cascade of other edits.
silent, i'm afraid that what's stressed in classrooms today is each child's capability, if not duty, of being a star.
marc, i'll spend some time with that line today. i was trying to make it as slight as possible, guess i overdid it. for now let me try "leaks" for "starts to creep". thanks. tom

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Re: Lesser Light
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2010, 10:52:36 AM » by Sue Lozynskyj

Like the title of this, and the light fading.

I think you could lose stanza's 2,3 and 4! Drastic I know!

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Chance favours the prepared mind: Louis Pasteur

Re: Lesser Light
« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2010, 11:05:47 AM » by Tom Riordan

Thanks you, Sue. Though S1 and 5-8 do hang together, the vacuuming out of context and particulars leaves it too abstract for me. Examining your idea did lead me to correct a possible misreading of S3, which I appreciate too. Always good to be sent back for a closer look. -Tom

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(Read 761 times) [1]

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