hurts worse than things my daughter says,
almost as bad as things Franklin has said.

damn you, why take the trouble
to understand me so well
if you're just going to savage me?

what I miss most from childhood
is bullies calling me stuff I'm not.



new jars on spec series www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,16199

hey tom, a few suggestions -

in s1 i would drop the "this" as which specific review is not really defined, also how about words instead of things in l2 of s1 works well with worse and hurts as a flow.

in s2 the last 2 lines felt like a bump in the read for me i think it is so well first  - perhaps drop the "so well" or "first" but together it reads a little awkward in my read

loved s3! perfect ending for this

Casey, thank you for the careful read, and the ideas. I added a comma between "well" and "first" and hope that makes it read more smoothly. Let me see if I can put the "This" in the title or not...
With "things" v. "words," the state of mind I have in mind is a bit numbed, a bit primitive, and I hear "words" as too deliberate here. But something else may percolate through from your remark.
Your comment on S3, of course, I accept uncritically! Thanks, Tom

The first verse is funny, with 'Franklin' sounding like a person which connects the reader to the last verse in a childhood comical way.  At first read I wasn't sure what to think.  At second read the image of a child pouting with his arms crossed is vivid.

I like this alot.

cheryl

This sounds more adult and more serious now, Tom.  Your intention seems different.  I hope that's what you're looking for.

cheryl

Thank you, Cheryl. I think, I hope, I get the title straightened away. My intention hasn't much changed over the drafts but I hope is getting more in line with what's written! Tom

tis a superb ending

I like this

Good to hear, Peter. Thank you. Tom

I'm wondering about Franklin.  I think he needs a bit more.

rick, thanks. i think you're right. don't know if i can provide enough in surrounding poems in series or need to expand each of them to stand alone better...will be thinking about that. tom

This feels almost personal (I know that's a shock) because I do try to understand poets and poetry and I wonder if then I savage them.  That would be just plain pea-pickin' bad.

cheryl

never seen you savage anyone, cheryl. but book reviewers do sometimes, usurping the prerogatives of our life partners.

...moving to Submit...

Trying to decide if you're talking to yourself throughout, like you're mentally dealing with a situation, but failing. Sorry for the bad things I said. (Grin)