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  Kalay at Night
« on: February 06, 2010, 03:54:03 PM » by Jack Reagan
The generator’s drone,
cuts the cold air,
to manifest in a low bass
on the steel shelter.

Inside, night’s blackness
gives way to an
infrared mosaic
of an ancient village.

With raw hands, cracked
from salt and blood,
he touches the controls
to focus.

The screen alive
with women at ease,
while men gather
for prayer in the pre-dawn.

He scans now to a field,
that dances in frost wind.
Poppy floating
west to the bare desert

where the sun begins
to sprout from high dunes.
Soon to flood the land
with harsh light.
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  Re: Kalay at Night
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2010, 06:22:52 PM » by Tom Riordan
Contrasts the soldier waking up and the villagers waking up, both delicate and brutal, Jack. The layers of watcher and watched - he, they, you, us - sobering. Tom
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  Re: Kalay at Night
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2010, 04:06:01 AM » by silent lotus
dear Jack

a most praiseworthy periscope of observations
into a myriad of realms.

enjoyed

silent lotus
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  Re: Kalay at Night
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2010, 08:08:09 PM » by Tom Riordan
Jack, front page NY Times today, story about soldier/writers today.
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  Re: Kalay at Night
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2010, 08:11:46 PM » by cherylleverette©
This is so good.

Excellent job, Jack.

cheryl
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"...I did not know what to say, my mouth had no way with names, my eyes were blind, and something started in my soul, fever or forgotten wings, and I made my own way, deciphering that fire, and I wrote the first faint line, faint, without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom...." ~ Pablo Neruda

  Re: Kalay at Night
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2010, 08:20:23 PM » by Jack Reagan
Thanks Tom I appreciate it. I read "Here, Bullet" over and over again while I was deployed and it defiantly inspired me to begin writing.Thanks again.
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  Re: Kalay at Night
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2010, 03:26:02 PM » by Lawrence Gladeview
jack a deafening still read.  the presented perspectives transition well.  don't think you need those two comas in L1-2, also in S5 i think you could drop that "now".  enjoying this read jack. lawrence
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  Re: Kalay at Night
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2010, 03:30:45 PM » by milner place
Brilliantly told, Jack, no unecessary frills. A pick.

milner
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'Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar'
- Antonio Machado

Latest book 'naked invitation' $15 or £10, p&p inc milnerplace@msn.com

 (Read 285 times) [1]
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