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  the antipoet (revised)
« on: February 08, 2010, 06:01:05 PM » by Mikael Heller
Words...


long tedious words,
they lock you in—

and force symbols
on the view
out of ones window;

on every
zephyr
song—

until

every sound
you hear

is us...


unlisten—

the wind
does not sing
in rhyme

it is not
the alphabet that falls

and the world
remains

as is;

unsignified
behind our backs
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I am an enemy of symbols - Tarkovskij

  Re: the antipoet (revised)
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2010, 06:05:20 PM » by cherylleverette©
Mikael, here I am again telling you I think the ending would be better without the last two lines.  The reason I say that is because your poem is pretty clear to me, and I like it, up until that point.  Then I wonder what you're saying and why those lines are there.

cheryl
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"...I did not know what to say, my mouth had no way with names, my eyes were blind, and something started in my soul, fever or forgotten wings, and I made my own way, deciphering that fire, and I wrote the first faint line, faint, without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom...." ~ Pablo Neruda

  Re: the antipoet (revised)
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2010, 06:10:22 PM » by Mikael Heller
hi Cheryl and thanks for commenting.

I'll think about removing the last 2 lines, however when you say that "then I wonder what you're saying and why those lines are there", it just makes me want to let them stay! Smiley
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I am an enemy of symbols - Tarkovskij

  Re: the antipoet (revised)
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2010, 06:17:54 PM » by cherylleverette©
behind our backs is ok, even good, but without unsignified.  it just seems to launch in a different direction.  the world is anything but unsignified.  to me, anyway.

cheryl
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"...I did not know what to say, my mouth had no way with names, my eyes were blind, and something started in my soul, fever or forgotten wings, and I made my own way, deciphering that fire, and I wrote the first faint line, faint, without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom...." ~ Pablo Neruda

  Re: the antipoet (revised)
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2010, 06:30:10 PM » by Mikael Heller
well then you haven't unlistened now have you! Tongue

Jokes aside though; I think the antipoet really is going much too far in what's being said here, thus the ambiguity between the title, the content and the fact that this last I checked is itself a poem...

I don't see any real issue with removing "unsignified", but I thought it might be needed to stress what is being said here.
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I am an enemy of symbols - Tarkovskij

  Re: the antipoet (revised)
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2010, 07:46:07 PM » by Tom Riordan
interest thoughts Mikael, how thought and its languages cannot directly effect a thing...
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  Re: the antipoet (revised)
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2010, 02:36:55 AM » by rashmi
what remains behind our backs is unsignified
it's what in front of us that is significent!

at least i think so - there was a time as a kid when i thought what i saw was it!the rest just collapsed & died & only came to life when i saw it!

sounds pretty crazy- but let me give an example - if i'm walking down the road what i see in front or sideways exists as long as i see it & what's at the back only exists if i turn around my head & see it!

don't know if that makes any sense or if that was your intention mikael - enjoyed the poem!
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  Re: the antipoet (revised)
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2010, 06:39:08 AM » by Mikael Heller
thank you Tom and rashmi.

rashmi, that deffo makes sense to me; I've also thought about that when I was younger (I pictured it like this grey silverhaze that lingered on the outskirts of my world and vision. Only when I for example opened a door did whatever was behind it come to be in a sense).

Not sure what, if any, significance it has here Smiley
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I am an enemy of symbols - Tarkovskij

 (Read 171 times) [1]
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