PoetryCircle
Contemporary
Poetry
Forum
September 03, 2010, 07:41:43 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
«
PoetryCircle
•
The Writing
•
Submit your poetry
• Topic:
the antipoet (revised)
»
Thread
Tools
Print
(Read 171 times) [
1
]
the antipoet (revised)
«
on:
February 08, 2010, 06:01:05 PM »
by
Mikael Heller
Words...
long tedious words,
they lock you in—
and force symbols
on the view
out of ones window;
on every
zephyr
song—
until
every sound
you hear
is us...
unlisten—
the wind
does not sing
in rhyme
it is not
the alphabet that falls
and the world
remains
as is;
unsignified
behind our backs
Logged
I am an enemy of symbols - Tarkovskij
Re: the antipoet (revised)
«
Reply #1 on:
February 08, 2010, 06:05:20 PM »
by
cherylleverette©
Mikael, here I am again telling you I think the ending would be better without the last two lines. The reason I say that is because your poem is pretty clear to me, and I like it, up until that point. Then I wonder what you're saying and why those lines are there.
cheryl
Logged
"...I did not know what to say, my mouth had no way with names, my eyes were blind, and something started in my soul, fever or forgotten wings, and I made my own way, deciphering that fire, and I wrote the first faint line, faint, without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom...." ~ Pablo Neruda
Re: the antipoet (revised)
«
Reply #2 on:
February 08, 2010, 06:10:22 PM »
by
Mikael Heller
hi Cheryl and thanks for commenting.
I'll think about removing the last 2 lines, however when you say that "then I wonder what you're saying and why those lines are there", it just makes me want to let them stay!
Logged
I am an enemy of symbols - Tarkovskij
Re: the antipoet (revised)
«
Reply #3 on:
February 08, 2010, 06:17:54 PM »
by
cherylleverette©
behind our backs is ok, even good, but without unsignified. it just seems to launch in a different direction. the world is anything but unsignified. to me, anyway.
cheryl
Logged
"...I did not know what to say, my mouth had no way with names, my eyes were blind, and something started in my soul, fever or forgotten wings, and I made my own way, deciphering that fire, and I wrote the first faint line, faint, without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom...." ~ Pablo Neruda
Re: the antipoet (revised)
«
Reply #4 on:
February 08, 2010, 06:30:10 PM »
by
Mikael Heller
well then you haven't unlistened now have you!
Jokes aside though; I think the antipoet really is going much too far in what's being said here, thus the ambiguity between the title, the content and the fact that this last I checked is itself a poem...
I don't see any real issue with removing "unsignified", but I thought it might be needed to stress what is being said here.
Logged
I am an enemy of symbols - Tarkovskij
Re: the antipoet (revised)
«
Reply #5 on:
February 08, 2010, 07:46:07 PM »
by
Tom Riordan
interest thoughts Mikael, how thought and its languages cannot directly effect a thing...
Logged
Re: the antipoet (revised)
«
Reply #6 on:
February 09, 2010, 02:36:55 AM »
by
rashmi
what remains behind our backs is unsignified
it's what in front of us that is significent!
at least i think so - there was a time as a kid when i thought what i saw was it!the rest just collapsed & died & only came to life when i saw it!
sounds pretty crazy- but let me give an example - if i'm walking down the road what i see in front or sideways exists as long as i see it & what's at the back only exists if i turn around my head & see it!
don't know if that makes any sense or if that was your intention mikael - enjoyed the poem!
Logged
Re: the antipoet (revised)
«
Reply #7 on:
February 09, 2010, 06:39:08 AM »
by
Mikael Heller
thank you Tom and rashmi.
rashmi, that deffo makes sense to me; I've also thought about that when I was younger (I pictured it like this grey silverhaze that lingered on the outskirts of my world and vision. Only when I for example opened a door did whatever was behind it come to be in a sense).
Not sure what, if any,
significance
it has here
Logged
I am an enemy of symbols - Tarkovskij
(Read 171 times) [
1
]
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
The Writing
-----------------------------
=> Editors' picks
=> Front page
===> Front page archive
===> Archive 2010
=> Submit your poetry
=> Submit your prose
=> Journalese
-----------------------------
The Community
-----------------------------
=> Introductions
=> Discussions
=> Off topic
=> Interviews
=> Sights and sounds
=> Notices
-----------------------------
The Site
-----------------------------
=> Editors
=> Questions
Member
Tools
Home
Help
Members List
Statistics
Login
Register
Latest
News
Follow PoetryCircle on Twitter.
Site
Stats
137143
Posts
13171
Topics
1269
Members
Latest Member:
Emma
Support
Poetry Circle
Love
photography?
PoetryCircle | Powered by
SMF 1.1.11
.
© 2005,
Simple Machines LLC
. All Rights Reserved.