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  Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« on: May 01, 2010, 10:29:14 AM » by larry jordan
The Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road

Blink, blink the yellow lines
down the middle of the road.
Morning, for a moment,
got ahead of the sun.

Even the tension
of the visor strained at its hinge.

The glint off the grass
tapped its baton on a music stand.

I rolled my window down.
 
Cocks crowed, heckling the dog
and goats at the corner.

Buzzards scattered
         as I turned at the fence.

I cannot recall
what the hurry was.
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2010, 10:45:10 AM » by N. R. Wiebe
L3 - 5, you  leave fiction behind, though for a moment it didn't seem real.  That part is confusing to me.  What didn't seem real?  Are you back in fiction then?

Love the blinking lines, the straining visor, and that last line.

enjoyed,
nrw
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2010, 11:47:00 AM » by Bernard Alain
while driving this morning I realized how fast you must've been going (or your eyes weren't on the road ahead) shame shame, but maybe consistent with the closing manoeuver. Enjoyed this short flic, particularly the way it worked with the last two lines.
 
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All fishermen are liars; it's an occupational disease with them like housemaid's knee or editor's ulcers.  ~Beatrice Cook, Till Fish Do Us Part, 1949

  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2010, 01:27:50 PM » by Lynn Doiron
I think I understand the lines NRW mentioned.  If they mean morning didn't seem real for a moment and then that feeling was passed over or by for reality.  It is confusing as written.  I have to wonder if the confusion is intentional, to reflect the confusion of the moment, perhaps? 
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My blogs:
http://lwww.lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry

  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2010, 01:49:14 PM » by Tom Riordan
some interesting mystery,and the language carries strong atmospheric images, Larry, but I'm a bit confused by last two lines. did N drive this route the day before and kill the cat? Tom
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2010, 02:18:45 PM » by larry jordan
hmm. Mornings shift from real to picturesque. The shift is confusing as is intended, but perhaps expecting too much. And Tom, the issue is 'we' must include the cat.

The relationship between hurry and musing is perhaps too subtle.

larry
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2010, 11:14:24 AM » by Tom Riordan
Larry, what about "hurry" for "hurried" at end? That would really focus on the cat and include the buzzards, driver and everyone else, with less reader distraction from trying to find particular narrative explanations for "hurried." Also more museful. Tom
Blink, blink the yellow lines
down the middle of the road.
Morning passes out of fiction,
though for a moment,
real it didn’t seem.

Light floods. Even the tension
of the visor strains at its hinge
as I muse beyond
the uncut grass
alongside the road
with the windows down.
 
I can hear the crow of the cocks
at the house on the corner
with the dogs and goats.

Buzzards scatter
as I turn wide at the sign
to clear the corner.
I cannot recall
the reason we hurried.

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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2010, 11:20:09 AM » by larry jordan
It was originally hurry, but for some reason I got all twisted in the tense since the cat is already dead. But including the buzzards is much closer to the intent. thanks

larry
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2010, 02:19:03 PM » by Tom Riordan
to Picks....
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2010, 07:13:20 PM » by larry jordan
Tom, thanks for the help and the pick.
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #10 on: May 06, 2010, 04:38:16 AM » by Pam Scobie

I love the way the story/memory unfolds and you allow us to work it out for ourselves.

Pam
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2010, 05:16:42 PM » by larry jordan
tinkering
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2010, 05:31:50 PM » by MichelleBethCronk
hmmmm...tinkering is a good thing - I like it....lol  xo M
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  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2010, 08:33:11 PM » by Lynn Doiron
Much enjoyed.  Ditto Cronk's "good thing" in ref. the tinkering!
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My blogs:
http://lwww.lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry

  Re: Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road
« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2010, 08:59:13 PM » by Lavonne Westbrooks
Love this Larry - May I ask your inspiration for this? (I was re-reading the inspiration thread this morning)
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