congrats, Lynn.

tiko

tiko, lavonne -- thanks.  so weird to find this here, and how it brings back that fright.   

Wow!

This is a good one Lady - glad to see it here- I hadn't run across it yet - Michelle

Great to see such a fine poem by such a fine writer up front.

milner

michelle, rick, milner -- thanks so much for your good thoughts. 

ld

Very fine.  I tend to like traditional rhythms a lot and would have written "cannot" in the last line, for the extra syllable.  I am not suggesting you do so, Lynn, just "sharing".

Larry's recent "Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road" www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,17607 has a "cannot" near the end that, even without previous contractions (as here), has a pronounced flavor.

I think I prefer cannot to the contraction.  Haven't changed yet -- but am thinking seriously that I might.

Thanks Jonathan and thanks Tom.

If you change to cannot, will you not have to change to do not earlier in the poem?  Might that not be a bit too emphatic?

good point.  still thinking on it.  thanks, rick.

ld

I have to cast my vote for don't & can't

they keep the quick breathless nature of the piece- cannot in particular makes it seem sluggish to me which doesn't to justice to the theme -

lady, I am enjoying the reread each day! -xo M

Thanks Silent and Michelle.  I so greatly appreciate all these comments and the time you've taken (along with everyone else) to share reasoning and thoughts.  I do like the rhythm better with 'cannot' but also realize now the cause behind not making the change swiftly (as I often do).  You are all the many reasons why this circle of poets is so great!  Thanks! ;)

Gorgeous, love it, Lynn.