Stella, the original is quoted in Reply #1. Myself, I think this has some good crackle that neither original (of this combined version) had. Tom

Well Stella, thanks so much for telling me how you originally felt.  You could have just let it slide and not commented at all.  So I appreciate that very much.  The reasons I made the change are in a previous comment above.  Honestly, I can't see how anyone could like the original better.  To me, days later, it's bland and mushy.  But I'm not everyone.

Thank you for your response.  Will be happy to know what your thoughts are after comparison.

cheryl

Tom, thank you for posting this reply.  It tells me what I need to know and also confirms my own feelings.

cheryl

thanks, Tom. took me a bit to get back here.
won't be the first time I swim against a current, cheryl. always enjoy your work. still prefer the first draft, not to say that there is anything wrong with the second. just feels like another poem to me.

Stella

Stella, thanks much for coming back to this.  Your comments make me want to post two poems.  This one, and the one you like.  But if I did there would be a feeling I've learned I don't like -- a sort of humialiting feeling -- like I've told too much, spilled my guts and lost my dignity.

Hope that makes sense.  I respect your opinion very much.

cheryl

Yes, Stella is delightful isn't she?

cheryl

Last 2 lines come out of the blue.  Do they explain why the N is reasing the subject person so closely?

Rick, the hurt comes from the first few lines of the second stanza.  Sometimes we fool ourselves and it hurts other people.

Thanks for your reply.

cheryl

You seem to know a lot about these kind of people, Cheryl. How do you get rid of them again?

Which ones?  The ones who are psychotic, or the ones loved by the psychos?

lol

cheryl

Couldn't care about the shared virtual psychosis. Just want to be able to write virtual poetry without my friends and I being spied on in our real life communications.

Doris, your desire is a good one, but personally I don't think it's possible.  Anytime you write for the world to see, you open yourself to the Universe.  Anything might/will/can happen.  I would say ignore them, but sometimes that makes things worse.  Just be nice and speak with integrity.  ;)

My two cents (and I've been on both sides).  Right now I have this imaginary relationship with a poet well-known to me that it's imaginary, though, that does make a difference, maybe that IS the difference).  He's as innocent as can be.  Not his fault.  He's just nice to me, and I'm just fine.

Good subject.  Maybe you could be more specific.  I promise I won't nose in your business.  lol   Send me a private message, if you wish.  Sounds like it's really bothering you.

cheryl

A comment from Tom, elsewhere--I like it very much:

 by Tom Riordan
I read this with three levels, Chery, one being romance, one being Christianity, and one asking the question: Isn't this just we human beings do constantly, tell ourselves stories constructed out of pieces of desire/perception? Tom

But that's precisely my point; what I write and publish is up to me, that is a free for all buffet to get out of what you can. My private life is real and it is mine.

Thanks, C.