he rolled up
his trousers

waded out
into the cold
clutch
of water

a seal
raised its head
its wide eyes
full
of all the ages

all the deeps

all skies

he floated in those eyes

i’m coming
little sister
i’m coming

Just love this, and probably more without the "he swam" line, Milner. Tom

enjoyed this as well.
can see Tom's point,
but it would alter the
reading a bit.

tiko

I'll do some pondering on that. Thanks Tom n Tiko. Glad it reads OK else.

milner

point of order, i enjoy it as is.

:)

tiko

"he swam those eyes"?

I like this as is, too.  Beautiful.  And I also like reading it with the first 2 stanzas as the last 2.  (Just to cause trouble, that last bit I said!)

lynn

yeah, I think it sets up last
stanza well with swimming with
the daughter.  nothing wrong
with being endearing. :)

tiko

While we're raising points of order, I'd like to object to the shocking pun in the title. Except that, as it has the effect of taking hot air out of Hemingway during what we can only call his flatulent period, I hereby withdraw it.

It's a mysterious thing, this, Milner. It could be - if it weren't for the trousers - an episode from the life of one of those saints that lived in desert places and befriended the animals. Not necessarily St. Francis. Well, maybe a Northumbrian St. Francis. Wasn't there a Kevin?

Satisfyingly mysterious.

Cheers

David

Milner, the pathos is rich, brimming. I'd leave it alone. The title does grate, due to its echo as David notes. Transpose it? The Seal and the Old Man, actually places the emphasis on what the seal reflects...

lovely,

larry

Hi Milner. Like this and I love the pun of course (sorry David!). However swimming in eyes has got to be pretty close to a cliche and I'd much prefer it without that line. Apologies!
Marc

 An interesting thought to change the order - not uncommon with many poems. My problem, Lynn, is that it seems to me to make his words more definite time-wise, and I don't wish to lose that ambiguity. But your idea has possibilities also in interpretation. This will lead to serious further pondering.

As the title came before the poem, I'll also have more pondering before any change, Larry.

Your right about that 'swam' line, Marc and Tom. I've altered it to 'floated', which I find is preferable, and mite less of a cliche.

Love the idea of it being a St Kevin, David, and this so tallies with my thoughts on leaving the reader all possible space to discover and fill.

Thanks again, Tiko.

Cheers all

milner

soundwise, "floated" seems like it must have had designs on that spot all along.

great stuff, milner
floated didn't seem out of place to me


Stella

Thanks, Tom, really don't know why I didn't 'float' straight there - can't see for looking, as they say.

Much appreciated, Stella.

Changed the title, and hope that negates the objections.

milner