a warthog snuffles

a leopard coughs

beyond the embers
fireflies dance

the stars
are listening

for the coming

crack
of dawn

yes, milner
works fine for this reader!

Stella

A vivid scene with a slightly ominous Millenialist flavor, Milner, but as often, you leave readers a lot of leeway - SL feels serenity. Tom

A low bow, Stella.

I mind-wrestled some with the spacing here, Tom, and it seems to have had the right effect. Thanks

milner

as a native afrikaans speaker the title drew me in and the content made me realize how fortunate i am to be in africa. thanks fior the reminder.well presented as always

regards

james

Thanks, James. It was your Baobab poem that took me back. My afrikaans was never more than basic, though working in the mines near all my co workers spoke the 'taal'. At weekends some of us would sometimes go west from Messina towards the Bechuanaland border, where there was still plenty of game. Hence this little memory.

I wonder what you make of this one?
http://www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,1146.0.html

milner

You set the scene so beautifully, Milner, that I was faintly disappointed by the appearance of our old friend "crack / of dawn" at the end. I'd love to see something more surprising there, unless the phrase here has a deeper meaning that I'm missing.

Cheers

David

a wonderful scene and
use of crack, Milner.

or maybe it's a wonderful
use of 'listening'.

thanks,

tiko

Your comment, Tiko, goes someway to answer David's query on the use of 'crack of dawn'. It did prey on my mind when I first wrote it, but in consideration I found myself regarding it in relation to the 'stars listening', and the cliche sort of opened wide. My view on using cliches is that they are perfectly legitimate as long as that usage serves a purpose, and they are not a result of laziness. In any particular instance, though, their effect will differ from reader to reader, but that's the case for most poems anyway. Here I'll let it stand, for now.

Thanks to you both.

milner

to Picks.

Thanks for the pick, Tom.

I think it interesting that in these days of easier travel, and most especially television, how writers can get by with so little description to put the reader into a scene that may be unfamiliar from real experience.

Cheers

milner

Yes, and for me, at one level this poem also plays off some of the African romances of Alexander McCall Smith, Lion King, etc.

Indeed, Tom. Though precise description can work so well, I feel some passages in poetry and prose are often specious in this day and age - a sort of hangover from the tradition necessary in writing when the information we have wasn't available to most. This doesn't, of course, apply when a new or unusual perspective is presented.

Cheers

milner