the river tonight

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the river tonight
« on: February 05, 2011, 12:56:21 PM » by jkdavies

Swelling
fidgeting in its
banks, discomfort
of an overweight
torso, chest
constricted
in a tight
jumper

Logged

practice makes perfect, but too much practice makes you a whore...
poetry links at http://jkdavies-dailywritingpractice.blogspot.com/p/poetry-at-large.html

Re: the river tonight
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2011, 01:39:00 PM » by Tiko Lewis

JK,

this is nice. love the form.
love the use of fidgeting.
well done.

tiko

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...i don't eat jelly beans afterward.

the river tonight
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2011, 01:43:44 PM » by R L Raymond

+1 Heaving river in more ways than one.

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Re: the river tonight
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2011, 04:51:13 PM » by MichelleBethCronk

a nice description - gives me a cool visual - M

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Re: the river tonight
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2011, 05:24:45 AM » by Ken Robson

somewhere, around the bend, a walrus moustache and double chin.

Ken Robson

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The craft of angling is catching fish. The art of angling is a
receptiveness to those connections, the art of letting one
thing lead to another until, if only locally and momentarily,
you realize some small completeness.

Ted Leeson

Re: the river tonight
« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2011, 12:18:51 PM » by jkdavies

thanks all!
love the idea of the moustache & chin (especially as I had a female torso in my head) but can't think of an appropriate watery metaphor to work it in...

Logged

practice makes perfect, but too much practice makes you a whore...
poetry links at http://jkdavies-dailywritingpractice.blogspot.com/p/poetry-at-large.html

Re: the river tonight
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2011, 03:21:18 PM » by Tom Riordan

Like this, JK, makes me feel it in my body - an especially good use for (here goes) anthropomorphizing. Tom

Quote from: jkdavies on February 05, 2011, 12:56:21 PM

Swelling
   fidgeting in its
banks, discomfort
of an overweight
   torso, chest
   constricted
   in a tight
   jumper

Logged

Re: the river tonight
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2011, 11:42:32 PM » by MichelleBethCronk

time to pick this - I enjoy it every time I read it - M

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Re: the river tonight
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2011, 12:58:47 AM » by James Carver

liking this.. a well deserved pick

warm regards

james

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Enjoy the fruits of labour but never forget to honour the roots of the tree – James Carver

Re: the river tonight
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2011, 01:57:24 AM » by jkdavies

Thank you for picking!
(that doesn't sound quite right, but it's early morning here!)

Logged

practice makes perfect, but too much practice makes you a whore...
poetry links at http://jkdavies-dailywritingpractice.blogspot.com/p/poetry-at-large.html

(Read 586 times) [1]

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