After the storm.

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After the storm.
« on: September 22, 2007, 12:07:36 PM » by MichelleBethCronk

The rain that did not hit
the ground hangs

from the porch slats –
pre-icicles a season

too early to freeze.

The sky beyond
the house is blue

and empty so there will
be no more rain to ease

them down to puddle

with the others. They
are on their own.

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Re: After the storm.
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2007, 12:36:37 PM » by milner place

I'd really like this to end with ' They/ are on their own.'

milner

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'Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar'
- Antonio Machado

Latest book 'naked invitation' $15 or £10, p&p inc milnerplace@msn.com

Re: After the storm.
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2007, 12:49:39 PM » by MichelleBethCronk

Thanks Milner....that is exactly the spot I was having trouble with and you gave the simple explanation I never thought of! xoxo M

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Re: After the storm.
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2007, 12:52:31 PM » by Rick Stansberger

You and Milner make a good team! When I read the poem (after the change) I went OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh! Bullseye!

Rick

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Rick's fifth book is out: Gizmo--love, loss and the passion to know--in the first part of the last century.

Re: After the storm.
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2007, 01:30:24 PM » by Lavonne Westbrooks

Well aimed!

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Re: After the storm.
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2007, 03:32:05 PM » by Jonathan Bracker

I very much like the care with which the poem is written, the precise diction; I found the tone warm, in spite of the wet and, by implication, cold. But I had trouble with the ending. I assume that due to gravity the drops will merely fall and, to that extent, they are not on their own, to me.

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To purchase a copy of my 73-pp. booklet of poems about Paris, Paris Sketches (Thorp Springs Press, 2005), send $15 and $1 for postage to Jonathan Bracker, 3783 20th St., #5, San Francisco, CA 94110. A few copies are available on Amazon. Sample poems from the collection are on www.parispoemsetc.com

Re: After the storm.
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2007, 06:05:55 PM » by Rick Stansberger

Drops don't always fall. Surface tension holds them up and they evaporate. We're being metaphoric here, anyway -- the drops aren't exactly drops, imho, and the storm is not of the meterological variety. What's cool about the poem is you don't realize that until the end.

Rick

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Rick's fifth book is out: Gizmo--love, loss and the passion to know--in the first part of the last century.

Re: After the storm.
« Reply #7 on: September 22, 2007, 09:01:05 PM » by MichelleBethCronk

Thanks for answering the question asked, Bear, and thanks for the question Jonathan......

to be honest Bear, this was simply an observational poem (we had a storm last night....thunder / lightning - the works - and then another downpour this morning)......I was looking out the backdoor, at the patio roof, and wrote this....the metaphor was a welcome accidental end result to reality.....I kind of wrote my way into it......lol

xo M

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Re: After the storm.
« Reply #8 on: September 22, 2007, 11:22:45 PM » by Rick Stansberger

That's how it often happens. The muse distracts us with a "real" scene to slip in a deeper meaning. Sorry if I stepped in and spoke for you. Did you see the metaphorical level before you posted the poem?

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Rick's fifth book is out: Gizmo--love, loss and the passion to know--in the first part of the last century.

Re: After the storm.
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2007, 11:59:31 PM » by MichelleBethCronk

yup, I saw it Bear.....tried to overthink it on the end.....that's why the earlier versions were overdone.....xo M

ps. feel free to step in anytime.....you get in my head better than most (I mean that in the best way of course) **smile**

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(Read 1217 times) [1]

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