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  Isla Negra arrived and I remembered
« on: March 28, 2008, 03:57:48 PM » by Lynn Doiron
yesterday:
the spatter of loose green,
a green watered with yellow,
a green not rising from its bed
of winter twig.  Today,
the bark is thrown back.
All the gay skirts rise
in their ruffles, vibrant
in their ruffles, painting
all that is
with thick
beginning.

Behind me, time is the eternal other
tree, the stumps and the cones, lost
seeds and found ones, and so far,
so far, the promise of rain
no more than a low grumble, subtle
as a chorus of hymn singers
in a closed white church
on a green slope
in another state.

I can’t see them, but I know
their leaves are the coins
slipped through the slot
of this piggy earth,
like love
slipped with a knot
that worries a hole
in the heart.
But what is lost
isn’t truly –
little hats perk the ground
like gnomes wearing browns;
my wild onions throw a stalk
out from the bulb down under,
blue-purple stars erupt at the end of an arc;
the air, always surprised by garnet earth’s
good breath, inhales
and there is that small shudder,
skin rising, as if an opening note from an aria by Verdi
tickles the hairs of being.   

I empty pails of green to the page,
and the flow fills this heart.
The sky is alabaster and waiting
for the church of rain
to pour.  We are seed today.
My coffee is strong and good.
We are song, me and my beans,
my seeds, my cones –
and we sing.
We sing.
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My blogs:
http://lwww.lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry

  Re: Isla Negra arrived and I remembered
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2008, 01:02:22 PM » by milner place
I'm thinking some changes after 'yesterday', Lynn -

'the spatter of loose green,
a green watered with yellow,
a green not rising from its bed'


later, maybe this

'...as of an opening note from a Verdi aria
tickling the hairs of existence.'

He sure powers you up, doesn't he?

Love it, and will pick later.

milner 
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'Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar'
- Antonio Machado

Latest book 'naked invitation' $15 or £10, p&p inc milnerplace@msn.com

  Re: Isla Negra arrived and I remembered
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2008, 01:25:02 PM » by Lynn Doiron
Thank you kind sir.  I used your suggestions on the opening S; the tightening improves, I think.  Am considering your thoughts in the area of the aria (although I did slightly reword).

I thought this one might slip into LaLa world without a single comment.  You surprised me!  Thanks!
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My blogs:
http://lwww.lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry

  Re: Isla Negra arrived and I remembered
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2008, 06:24:17 PM » by Rick Stansberger
This is just plain well done!  Might want to consider dropping last 2 lines, but I could live with the poetic repetition.  I admire the first stanza and how you describe the bursting out of blossoms without saying the word. I love the gentle humor in the meta4 of the church in another state.  I love "the slot of piggy earth"  and "garnet earth" and the way the poem focuses to a strong ending.  May I link to this from my blog?


Rick
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Rick's fifth book is out:  Gizmo--love, loss and the passion to know--in the first part of the last century.

  Re: Isla Negra arrived and I remembered
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2008, 06:32:29 PM » by Lynn Doiron
I would be honored. 
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My blogs:
http://lwww.lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry

  Re: Isla Negra arrived and I remembered
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2008, 07:22:31 PM » by milner place
This to go up now.

And so to bed,

milner
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'Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar'
- Antonio Machado

Latest book 'naked invitation' $15 or £10, p&p inc milnerplace@msn.com

  Re: Isla Negra arrived and I remembered
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2008, 03:49:21 AM » by brian_edwards
OK, I just gotta buy that book!

B.

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  Re: Isla Negra arrived and I remembered
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2008, 08:50:23 AM » by Jill Winkowski
I love the "slot of this piggy earth" too and how you move quickly to "love" and "slipped with a knot/that worries a hole/in the heart." That movement seems to clench the metaphor with another one. Highly organic.
And I am always in favor of ending a poem with a cup of coffee. :)
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"FOR God's sake hold your tongue, and let me love ;" John Donne, The Canonization

 (Read 1629 times) [1]
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