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Yes, we did



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  Conned
« on: May 08, 2008, 12:22:07 PM » by Sherry Thrasher
They were only mind-fucking

She found that absurd.
In fact, she cherished each word
written in rhyme.
He wore Irish wool, smoked a pipe, sipped vintage wine.
They laughed, planned trips to Paris by phone-
Innuendo, typed whispers, together (yet, always alone).
Deep into night, for hours, they sat
uninhibited in their world of late night chat-

We were only mind-fucking, he replied

She sees the ruse of days gone by.
His taste fills her mouth like cheap chardonnay,
bitter and unmistakably dry.
Logged

It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.
~Dylan Thomas

www.sherrythrasher.blogspot.com
  Re: Conned
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2008, 12:38:52 PM » by Nora D
it's been awhile, my friend, but I'm liking what I find here.  I'll think on it, not so sure you need the 'like him' in the final line but I'll hum on it a spell...it's good to read you, N
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  Re: Conned
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2008, 06:13:51 PM » by Oleksa
Fine pacing, like the subtle rhyme at the end (would take out the 'like him' bit, too). That was really the only nit I found-- well done!

Take care,

-O
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'Whatever happened to fiery romance?
How I wish it was those dishes you were throwing;
Damn you for being so easygoing.'

-Andrew Bird
  Re: Conned
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2008, 08:33:28 PM » by Lavonne Westbrooks
Agree with the others about 'like him'.
I think its fantastic.
Picked.
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  Re: Conned
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2008, 07:18:32 AM » by Sherry Thrasher
I'm humbled.  Thanks so much.  Nit picked.  Hopefully this reads better.

Sherry
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It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.
~Dylan Thomas

www.sherrythrasher.blogspot.com
  Re: Conned
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2008, 12:07:11 PM » by Lynn Doiron
Is this one since you've been doing the creative writing classes?  I really, really like it.  Harder look than normal from you, as if you've taken off the gloves, stepped out of the ring, stopped following the rules.  Really good write, sherry.  Excellent pick!

lynn
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lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry blog
  Re: Conned
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2008, 02:32:32 PM » by Sherry Thrasher
Actually, the classes start on the 19th and I'm looking forward to them immensely.  Thanks for your more than kind comments, Lynn.  You know how much I value your insight.  I do hope to live outside the ring from here forward.  I'm betting tuition on it.  Thanks again.

Sherry
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It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.
~Dylan Thomas

www.sherrythrasher.blogspot.com
  Re: Conned
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2008, 03:03:38 PM » by Lynn Doiron
I'm thinking you'll find a way to dance inside and outside the ring for knock-outs on both sides . . . your expertise in meter and rhyme and rhythm -- don't short change or lose them;  I think they'll serve you well and long, making your voice even more-so your very own. 
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lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry blog
  Re: Conned
« Reply #8 on: May 13, 2008, 04:40:51 PM » by milner place
Real fine, Sherry, real fine.

milner
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  Re: Conned
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2008, 11:32:03 PM » by Rick Stansberger
Welcome back! I like the dry humor of this poem.

Rick
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Who has not found the Heaven -- below--
Will fail of it above --
For Angels rent the House next ours,
Wherever we remove --


                                            Emily Dickinson
                                            poem 1544
  Re: Conned
« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2008, 06:54:45 AM » by Sherry Thrasher
Thanks Rick and Milner.
Logged

It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.
~Dylan Thomas

www.sherrythrasher.blogspot.com
  Re: Conned
« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2008, 07:19:49 PM » by Lynn Doiron
You are a darling, darling girl [I know, Woman -- but my little sis and therefore always a GIRL to me].  Thanks for taking the time to look at my blog -- I love your comments there!  Anywhere, really.  Thanks.
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lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry blog
  Re: Conned
« Reply #12 on: May 22, 2008, 01:46:58 AM » by Vasile Baghiu
A fine poem, Sherry! I am glad for you.
Vasile
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  Re: Conned
« Reply #13 on: May 22, 2008, 09:47:43 AM » by Sherry Thrasher
I am honored.  Thank you.
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It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.
~Dylan Thomas

www.sherrythrasher.blogspot.com
  Re: Conned
« Reply #14 on: May 22, 2008, 08:59:06 PM » by Oleksa
Hey, congrats! This is really well done-- and unveils more complexities with each sip.


Take care,

-O
Logged

'Whatever happened to fiery romance?
How I wish it was those dishes you were throwing;
Damn you for being so easygoing.'

-Andrew Bird
 (Read 1763 times) [1] 2  All
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