Little red pricktease
if you ask me.
Ass like a basket of berries
high skippin’ along.

and does she smell good
like warm milk

                    and something else
something raw

sets my teeth on edge.

I gotta follow this
all jumpy and shit
figurin’ my next move
                     my next line

she’s just about
makin’ me crazy
my lines get all mixed up.

My chance
is a bend in the path
wild with hunger
I sidle up to her
                    line dammit
                    my line

Red, I wanna fuck you all night.

She don’t miss a beat
          cool as May cherries
          hot as the devil
          she shakes her junk

Stick to the script, baby
you gotta eat me first.

And I am one done puppy.

Little red pricktease
if you ask me.
Ass like a basket of berries
high skippin’ along.

and does she smell good
like warm milk

                    and something else
something raw

sets my teeth on edge.

I gotta follow this
all jumpy and shit
figurin’ my next move
                     my next line

she’s just about
makin’ me crazy
my lines get all mixed up.

My chance
is a bend in the path
wild with hunger
I sidle up to her
                    line dammit
                    my line

Red, I wanna fuck you all night.

She don’t miss a beat
          cool as May cherries
          hot as the devil
          she shakes her junk

Stick to the script, baby
you gotta eat me first.

And I am one done puppy.




Tim, great! At last! What's the point in finally having a queer editor if we aint gonna get the chance to critique some queer stuff? (Not that every gay person has to write about "The Gay Experience" etc or that anyone else has to do anything, ever . . . . just an observation . . . )

I love the physical movement through the first 9 lines.

I highlighted the areas that I thought maybe needed some tightening, on a first read, but really need to come back, after sleep.

B.

Thanks for the read, Brian.  It's just a goofy poem written at the Church of Whitman last weekend.  Figured it was good for VD.

Get some sleep, my friend.

Tim

It's simply magnificent, Tim.
The one off note to my ear is the bit of straight exposition here:
"My chance
is a bend in the path
wild with hunger
I sidle up to her"
-Tom

No nits here.  Strong stuff, Tim.

lynn

You posted it, you sly old fox!  I laugh my basket of berries off every time I read this.  You decided against "thigh skippin along ?"  Regardless, this is good writing.  I was up half the night trying to come off that second shot of espresso.  I'm starting to have luggage under my eyes.  See you Sunday.  BTW, Chris Salerno is reading in the near future.  He was my 289 professor and another one to undress.  ;D

Ta da,
Sherry

Sly fox, Sherry?  Isn't that another fairytale?  It's kind of grown on me after a couple of rewrites.

Tom & Lynn, thanks for the read, and to think I nearly dropped the line 'wild with hunger'.  This is why I have to read everything out loud.

And Brian, I hope you slept well and if you only knew the volumes of gay poetry I have.  We write what we know.  Or who we know.

Yours,
Tim

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day.  When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.  ~Author Unknown


Happy Valentine's Day!

Sherry

Open your mind.

Tim, I think what got my ear before was the repetition of line(s) in the area I highlighted. Maybe a tweak there? I'm nit-picking.

Btw, I love Auden, Ginsberg and Gunn, but I guess your library is different from mine. I'm always open to reading lists.

B.

Hey Brian,

Interesting take on the 'lines', I've reread and reworked, but I still come back to those befuddled pleas of a man/wolf afraid of rejection and desperately trying to come up with an opening line.  I guess this is more of a barroom poem.

As for gay poets, of course, Auden and Gunn are favs, but I'm also a great fan of Mark Doty's work and Timothy Liu (I think that's his correct name...I'm blanking).  While I read these poets, I wouldn't necessarily consider them my influences.  Billy Collins, Peter Meinke, Ted Kooser, Stanley Kunitz and my newest fav, Joseph Millar are poets whose language I really admire.

Your turn...give me your influences.

Tim

I like this a ton.  I've been skirting around these images in my own depictions, and it is wonderful to see them embraced by you.  It's encouraging, and a wonderful read.  It's raw, base, human.  I also love that you gave the woman power.  Too often, men relegate the woman to the roll of prop in their tales.  The fact that she was directing was very cool.

tres bien!

Stella

Fab poem Tim, love its vigour and clarity.
One bump for me, for a poem where every line, word adds, I can't see that the last line adds anything.  And it switches the focus from the feisty female.
Just a late Saturday night thought....
k

What happened to the 'thighs'?????? ;)

I'm still for round-filing that last line.

Maggie